


le noir

by toastyhyun



Series: VIXX GTA!AU [6]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Multi, hakyeon n jaehwan have a talk while sanghyuk sleeps like a good boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19097245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastyhyun/pseuds/toastyhyun
Summary: “Why are you up?” He asks once he’s outside, coming to lean against the railing beside his boyfriend. Jaehwan turns to face him a moment, arms supporting his weight where he’s folded them atop the railing, then turns back to face the cityscape and takes a drag from his cigarette.“Mostly because I'm not asleep,” replies Jaehwan, a dodgy moment too late after he exhales. He doesn't turn to Hakyeon as he speaks, yet even with the dull lighting, only his profile visible, Hakyeon can see the worry creasing his face.





	le noir

**Author's Note:**

> was listening to bap's "le noir" an eon ago and was overcome with the need to write this, idk. it sat in my drafts for at least a year and a half and i finally got around to finishing it recently. this'll probably be the last gta!au thing i write (unless i rewrite joyride like i rly want to) but i hope the ppl who like it like this. :' )
> 
> thanks to appia as always for eir beta duties. i love u.

Hakyeon wakes with unease, and as he slips from unconsciousness to the distinct awareness of the mattress dipping beneath him, the sheets rustling with his movements, and Sanghyuk’s warmth at his side, he knows that something’s missing. His eyes open, sticky with sleep crust that he knuckles away drowsily, and fall upon his youngest boyfriend, who dozes with his mouth open and fingers furled into Hakyeon’s sleep shirt. He smiles, fond, and reaches up to thumb over the boy’s cheek, admiring how young and fragile he looks while asleep.

Beyond Sanghyuk, though, the covers lay oddly neat, tucked round the edge of the bed. They’re still warm to the touch when Hakyeon reaches over to feel beneath the duvet, and he’s careful not to disturb the weight of the bed as he untangles his shirt from Sanghyuk’s drowsy grasp and slips out and to his feet. There’s a breeze that slides through the bedroom, and he doesn’t even have to look up from where he steps into his slippers to know that Jaehwan is on the balcony.

“Why are you up?” He asks quietly once he’s outside, shivering slightly at the brisk autumn-night air and coming to lean against the railing beside his other partner after silently shutting the door behind him. Jaehwan turns to face him a moment, arms supporting his weight where he’s folded them atop the railing, then turns back to face the cityscape and takes a drag from his cigarette.

“Mostly because I'm not asleep,” replies Jaehwan, too easily, a dodgy moment too late after he exhales. He doesn't turn to Hakyeon as he speaks, yet even with the dull lighting of only the buildings and streetlights below their penthouse and the embers of his cigarette, only his profile visible, Hakyeon can see the worry creasing his face.

“What's keeping you up, then?” He tries instead, all too familiar with Jaehwan's often-incessant need to avoid questions he doesn't want to be asked by answering the easier ones he wishes were asked instead.

“Your snoring,” quips Jaehwan. His shoulders are just tense enough to be barely noticeable, just half an inch closer to his ears than they should be, and his tone comes off harsher than Hakyeon thinks even he thought it might before it came out, the sharp edges of his voice surprising even himself. He tenses further, bunching inwards before he seems to catch himself and relax all over again, bringing his cig back up to his mouth.

Hakyeon reigns in a sigh, letting it be a simple exhale before he, too, stops looking at Jaehwan to gaze down at the streets below instead. Even this late -- he isn't sure what time it is, but it's long past dark -- there's still line-ups of cars, somehow, lines of red and white streaking the city. Hakyeon wonders where they're all going.

The silence is thick, tightly strung, and when Hakyeon breaks it it's with the softest tone he has, the one he usually reserves for bringing Taekwoon down from an anxiety attack or assuring Sanghyuk he's okay after a close call. (He doesn't remember ever needing to use it with Jaehwan, self sufficient as he pretends to be.) “Do you ever wonder what'd've happened if we made it out of the Yu job without having to scatter?” He asks. “Maybe you and I would have built this crew up together.” Judging by the way he can see Jaehwan's head snap over to look at him out of the corner of his eye, it hadn't been what his boyfriend had been expecting to hear. He turns back stiffly, taking some time to work through a response.

“It was the right call,” says Jaehwan, eventually, voice halted again and betraying some of the tension in his posture. “Sometimes splitting up for a while is the best path for everyone involved.”

And ah, Hakyeon thinks he's struck the right nerve. He cracks a smile, planting an elbow against the railing and his cheek in his hand as he faces Jaehwan. “Maybe you're right. Maybe we would have figured our shit out sooner, though.”

Something pinched comes across Jaehwan's face before he reigns it back in with a mask of indifference, shrugging. “Maybe. We didn't, though. We figured it out later. With Sanghyuk.”

“Mm,” hums Hakyeon. “And it worked out well, right?”

“Right,” says Jaehwan, the only thing betraying his cool expression the knit in his brow and the nervous sweep of his tongue across his bottom lip. “Splitting up was… beneficial.”

“Then,” replies Hakyeon, leaning farther over til he can tuck his chin atop both his forearms where they fold across the bar beneath them. He hears more than sees Jaehwan shift beside him.

“What's that supposed to mean?” He asks, words coming out a little strangled after a few moments of silence. Hakyeon figures he must be struggling with himself; his commitment to being aloof and whatever emotion Hakyeon is dredging up inside him.

“That you were flighty,” says Hakyeon, matter-of-fact, pushing through even when he hears Jaehwan's noise of protest beside him. “Up until I got injured and you took off before Sanghyuk and I could try to ask you to stay with us. You still couldn't settle in one place, even then.”

There's a pregnant pause, swollen with Hakyeon remembering what it felt like when Jaehwan left, and what he think he might recognize on Jaehwan's face when he turns to him as guilt, presumably over the same thing. Jaehwan opens his mouth to speak, but Hakyeon cuts him off before he can.

“But you came back,” he says. Jaehwan's mouth snaps shut, confusion curling his features. Even now, Hakyeon can't help but find him pretty. “You chose to come back, and you chose to settle with us even when I'm sure everything in you was telling you that you had to go. That… was beneficial too, right? You're happy, for making that choice. For staying with us, and the crew.”

Truthfully, Hakyeon doesn't know if he believes that. He has his doubts, too. Most of them are a result of how closed off Jaehwan can be, how close he holds his true feelings and how much he plays off as a joke, as ironic. He wants to believe Jaehwan loves him as much as he loves Jaehwan -- to death, if need be, to the ends of the earth and back and back again -- but sometimes he wonders, and worries, and most especially now, when Jaehwan gets that look on his face that Hakyeon knows all too well, after knowing him for so long.

He wants to leave.

“I-- fuck,” Jaehwan tries to speak, and his mask is gone, his emotions written clearly across his face -- distress, mostly now, frustration -- but he starts when his cigarette burns down to his fingertips and singes his knuckles and he twitches, drops it, watches it fall down to the concrete stories below and out of view.

It's quiet, again. Hakyeon fills the silence with the plethora of thoughts that arise: that he's wrong, and that Jaehwan thinks he's a fool and will leave anyways, and that he's ineffectual at keeping the most important parts of his crew and life happy with him.

“It's scary.” Jaehwan breaks the quiet, voice barely a whisper yet layered with so much Hakyeon can't even begin to pick it apart. He sounds-- god, he sounds so lost. Hakyeon can't help but to reach up, tuck a hand in the crook of Jaehwan's elbow and run a thumb over the inside of his arm. “Staying in one place for so long. How do I know-- how do I know things won't go wrong because of me? God fucking knows I'm walking... chaos, pretty much. I've left nothing but a trail of bullshit in life. I don't… I don’t want any of you to get caught up in the things I've left behind when they inevitably come to catch up with me. Especially not you and Sanghyuk.

“I-- I've done some really awful things, Hakyeon.” Jaehwan looks pained, finally meeting Hakyeon's eyes, and there's so much worry in his gaze. Hakyeon's chest pings, sadly, sympathetically, and he wants to pull his boyfriend into a hug so tight he forgets anything and everything that's ever put that much suffering on his mind but knows he could never erase it even if he tried for the rest of his life. He knows it all too well, has the same well of anguish running deep into his own chest. “I don't know how long until those things and those people come to find me and fuck knows what karmic retribution will come, but the thought… the thought of you getting caught up in that is just… the thought of you getting hurt, or-- or-- because of _me_? That's what keeps me up at night. I love you two far too much to ever lose you because of my own stupid choices from the past.”

Fuck it. Hakyeon reaches and draws Jaehwan into his arms, holding fast and tight and pressing his face into Jaehwan's neck. He loves this man. God, does he love him. He can feel Jaehwan's hands come to clutch at his back, his chin tuck over his shoulder.

“But you have the choice now,” murmurs Hakyeon, decidedly not thinking about how thick his voice comes out through the lump in his throat. “Karmic retribution means fuckall depending on where you are, do you think karma cares? If you're going to get your payback, or whatever you think is coming for you, or for me, or for Sanghyuk, why would it matter if you were here, or on the other side of the world? We could still be in danger, in this line of work. We could still die. Wouldn't it all be the same, in the end? We have all the time together that we're going to have, and that's it. 

“You know I don't have the cleanest slate in the world, either. But I choose to spend my days how I do until my career choice catches up with me with the crew because it… you, Sanghyuk, the rest of them, you all make that all not seem so bad. I did terrible things and made terrible choices, but they led me to five people I'd trust my life to and two I want to spend that life with. That's my choice. My time will come when I have to pay for those choices, but that's not yet. And maybe that's selfish, and I’m probably selfish for keeping you and Sanghyuk both, but for fuck's sake, Jaehwan, you haven't been selfless nearly once in your life and you're choosing to try it out now?”

Midway through Hakyeon had drawn back to frame Jaehwan's face in his palms as he spoke, their foreheads nearly tipped against each other, and his last sentence startles a ghost of a smile out of Jaehwan. 

“O wise crew leader and his mental encyclopedia of motivational pep talks,” he murmurs, the corners of his eyes crinkling as Hakyeon's face scrunches. His fingers trail across Hakyeon's waist, lips pressing briefly to the corner of Hakyeon's mouth, the heartfelt but unspoken thanks lingering between them. “Is it on brand enough to be a little selfish and ask we go to bed so I can have some comfort cuddles?”

Hakyeon laughs softly, finding Jaehwan's fingers in his own and tangling them together, opening the balcony door and dragging him back inside. “Sounds just like you.”

The sound of Jaehwan shutting the door evidently wakes Sanghyuk, who stirs and rolls over onto his back, squinting in the moonlight up at his two boyfriends, hand in hand trying to sneak back into bed. “Th’ fuck are you doing up?” He asks, groggy, waving them towards the bed lazily.

“Sorry,” whispers Jaehwan, who goes crawling onto the mattress and underneath the blankets right into the cradle of Sanghyuk's arms, the last of the tension in his body leaving him when Hakyeon slides in after him, framing him from the other side around, caging him between the two of them in the way he won't admit to enjoying but they both know he loves. Hakyeon slings a hand over his waist, Sanghyuk latching various limbs around him like a gangly koala, and he lets out an exhale so large he practically shrinks in their grasp.

“G’night Hakyeonie,” says Sanghyuk, already halfway back to sleep. “G’night, Jaehwanie. Love you.”

“Love you too,” murmurs Jaehwan in return, Hakyeon pressing a kiss to the back of his neck and burrowing in as close as he can. He wouldn't trade this for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> my [twitter](http://twitter.com/toastyhyun) if you care to follow. comments/kudos always appreciated.


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